Lyin’ Rhymes for Lyin’ Times

Thirty days hath September,
April, June and November.
All the rest have thirty-one
Except for February
Which has none.
(By Betsy de Vos)

Jack and Jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown,
And Sarah said it never happened.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the king’s horses
And Manafort’s men
Couldn’t put the Moscow deal
Together again.

Mistress Mel-ary, quite contrary
How does your garden grow?
With red fir trees and creepy scenes
And subpoenas all in a row.

Have yourself a very Melania Christmas.

One potato, two potato, three potato, four
Five potato, six potato, seven potato, more
My mother says that Michael Cohen
Will sing again before too long.

Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, Bannon man
Make me a lie as fast as you can
Mould it and mouth it and mark it with “T”
And feed it to the Orange One, to tweet to me.

“Frere Donald, Frere Donald
Dormez-vous, dormez-vous?
Avez-vous ton handy?
Vas-tu tweet une betise?
Certainement, certainement.”

Old MacMueller had a writ, E-I-E-I-O
And with that writ he found some dirt, E-I-E-I-O
With a “lie-lie” here and a “lie-lie” there
Here a lie, there a lie, everywhere a “lie-lie”
Old MacMueller had a writ, Oy vey, oy vey, O.

Did you ever see a Donald
A Donald, a Donald
Did you ever see a Donald
Lie this way and that?
Lie this way and that way
And that way and this way
Did you ever see a Donald
Who could lie so damn much?

Hey, hey Jared
Have you any cash?
Yes sir, yes sir, a damn big stash.
Some from the Qataris
And some from my pa
And some from Ivanka
Who knicked it from her da.

Old Tsar Vlad
Was a cunning old soul
And a cunning old soul was he.
He filmed the thick Yank
With his frightful orange shank
Near a bed that was sprayed with pee.
Said Vlad to his spies:
“That’s the end of Trump.
From now on, he works for me.
And give Julian a raise
for the emails he leaked
That put the boot in the bitch Hillary.”

–Michael Roddy

 

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